Friday, May 21, 2010

I am feeling a bit down today

I don’t know if it is chemical…a result of the meds I’ve been taking for what seems like forever…or I’m finally succumbing to the boredom and restlessness of being so immobile for so long, or if I’m starting to miss my husband who, as a result of a temporary promotion and a control-freak boss who has no perspective, has barely had the time to say two words to me in a whole week. Earlier in the week he had to go to Polokwane, which is about a four-hour drive into desolation, attend a meeting, then drive back home. He got up at 4 am, left here at 4:30 to go pick up the three colleagues who were also attending the meeting (he took my large, comfortable SUV because it was a trip out into the bundu), did not return home until after 6 pm and before he could get settled for a meal and some rest, got embroiled in a patently ridiculous (as in, a little common sense on the part of his boss would have prevented the entire problem) brouhaha that kept him on the phone and working until 10. I’m sorry, but that is just not acceptable to me…not only is that kind of a work day…18 freaking hours!...unacceptable, the man has a life outside of work and I have not given his boss permission to usurp my time with him!

I suppose the fact that he is going to Cape Town next week…and I am staying here…doesn’t help. I miss Cape Town, I miss my home there, I miss my friends, especially Sally. I’ve been up here for four months now, and so far nothing has happened to recommend it. I don’t like the weather, the crap infrastructure that keeps putting the power out, the water not running, the roads full of holes, the traffic lights that never seem to work, the continual public worker’s strikes…and I hate this house. Hate it, hate it, hate it. I haven’t detested a place this much since I lived in a tenement in Boston…even the old adobe out in the desert with no hot water and no refrigerator didn’t try my patience as much as this place does! Out there you expect vermin and trying conditions, especially since the place was practically free…here, we pay a premium rent for what we expected was premium digs, only to find it vermin infested and owned by someone who can’t be bothered to make sure the place was free of such nasties as roaches and rats before his tenants moved in. And who, after all, expects to pay high rents in a “posh” neighbourhood and share the premises with rats and roaches and find their lights and water cut off on an irregular but frequent basis? Not me, I can tell you that!

I am still having trouble sleeping…that could be a factor in my present melancholy. It has been getting better, but last night I woke up at 1 am to take my meds and couldn’t get back to sleep for an hour. An improvement over waking up at 3 and being unable to go back to sleep for the pain, of course, but still…what I wouldn’t give for six hours of uninterrupted sleep! It would have to improve my mood, wouldn’t it?

I have barely cooked in the last month and takeaways and prepared meals from the freezer section of the market are getting tiresome. My diet has changed dramatically…much less fruit and veggies simply because I can’t stand up long enough to prepare a full meal. Give me more than 15 minutes standing up and the foot starts to throb, especially in the three swollen spots that I assume are the places my tendons are inflamed. Sitting helps, but we had to leave a child’s birthday party early last week, even though I was sitting and my foot was propped up on a stool. Being unable to cook much…and the fact that the kitchen is down a daunting flight of stairs…has had a positive effect on my waistline, but I’m thinking the dearth of veggies and minimal fruit consumption probably has not had an equally salubrious effect on my nutrition and digestion.

The Yorkchop has been a terrific distraction and companion, but as cute and sweet and engaging as she is, she’s still just a dog and her attention span is limited as is her ability to engage in two-way interaction. Once she gets tired of playing tug or fetch, it’s over until she’s had enough of a snooze to recharge her batteries and refresh her attitude.

And so I’m bored and tired of being bored, I’m a little down because…well, I’m just wanting to have/do/get/experience more than the four walls of this room and the occasional foray down the mountainous stairs to the kitchen. Pity party? Yah, probably. It could be a whole lot worse…Hubby’s cousin, who is only 45, sneezed and blew out a vertebra in his lower spine a few weeks back. The doctors at the hospital said it was too severe an injury for a simple sneeze in a man his age and ran additional tests: he has bone marrow cancer. Like me, he has been laid up in bed for a month, but he’s also had to deal with radiation and chemo, as well as surgery for the vertebra and now he, too, is stuck in bed and bored. So, I acknowledge that it could be worse…a lot worse…but somehow contemplating the misfortunes of others just doesn’t lead me to a more upbeat mood.

I’ll get over it…I always do. But for today, I am feeling a little bit down.

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