Saturday morning when I got up, my internet connection and my phone were working. Why is this significant? Because for most of September and October sometime between Friday afternoon and Saturday morning, my phone would go down and the technicians from the telephone company could not give it a permanent fix.

By their third visit, they were blaming my telephones and my house wiring (which they installed just 2 years ago). So fixated on blaming my telephones and in-house wiring were these guys that, once they had confirmed that the line was working up to the pole outside my house, they simply ceased to troubleshoot any further and blamed my equipment. Over the course of 3 weeks they blamed my telephones, my wiring, my modem/router, my line filters, even the weather!!...but failed to troubleshoot beyond the pole.

A week ago a tech came out and when he started his blaming the customer song and dance, I lost my temper and read him the riot act and demanded he go up on roof and check the wiring from the pole to my house and from there, the wiring up to the first telephone in the series, and to replace it if it looked worn. He balked. He called his supervisor to complain about what I was asking, moaning about how long it would take to replace that wire. I refused to "no" for an answer and I actually yelled at the technician (something I seldom do--my maid has worked for me for 5 years and I haven't raised my voice to her even once in all that time).

My husband stepped in and spoke to the supervisor who informed us that the technician told him we had illegal extensions and that was causing the problem. Hubby had to get out a phone bill to prove our extensions were installed by the phone company and we paid a fee every month for each of them. The technician pretended he couldn't read the bill when the supervisor asked him to verify that. Finally, he was told to comply and my husband actually went up on the roof with the technician to ensure he did as I asked.

And guess what? On the roof they found the wire that lead from the pole to the kitchen phone had lost some of its insulation and the bare copper was exposed to the rain, wind, birds, falling leaves and whatever else. The technician replaced the wire, but remained unconvinced that it was the source of the problem. But I got up on Saturday and my phone and my ADSL were working...and this morning it was working, despite a hellacious electrical storm last night.

 I, for one, will not be surprised if they keep on working since the one place the technicians repeatedly overlooked in their troubleshooting had a fault and that fault was finally corrected. I expect things will work just swimmingly, at least for a while...until something new comes along to toss me off the internet again...

The challenges of technology...

Well, I finally have my Telkom ADSL back. It only took a month to get it reinstalled and have several visits from the technicians to troubleshoot the installation to get it working right. Yesterday I had to call Telkom because I was hooked up to the ADSL line and the router was showing all lights green but I was getting no data transfer.

So, here is the comparison between Cell C and Telkom: when I had the exact same problem with my Cell C stick and I tried to call tech support it took 90 minutes of calls to finally reach one person who didn't know anything about the stick or the network and could not help me; whenever what was wrong with the network was eventually corrected, my data began to flow again (hours later). I called Telkom once, the second person I talked to was the right guy (who actually knew what was going on) who said "let me reset something..." As soon as he did that, it was fixed. The whole thing, from my realization that data was not flowing to the resumption of my data stream, took less than 15 minutes and only one telephone call.

I am not whitewashing Telkom. I've had my issues with them and some of their installation technicians are modern day incarnations of the Keystone Kops, but at least when I call with a problem I can 1) get through to them, usually on the first phone call; 2) get the ear of someone who at least has a clue about the technology that is not functioning; 3) has some reasonable idea as to what to do to remedy the problem. None of the three, in my experience, apply to Cell C when you are faced with a problem with those ridiculous whooshless sticks.

But my technology problems don't stop there. For the past week or so (today being a notable exception) my router has been going nutso. This is a wireless router and not only does internet reception to the laptops depend on it, we have wireless printers, so they depend on it too.

The router is usually left on all of the time. It kind of defeats the purpose of having laptops with batteries that can be used anywhere in the house or garden to have to hunt down a plugged-in device when you want to use the wireless one, so it stays plugged in. This has never been an issue in the past.

When we reinstalled the ADSL, the router had been in constant use during the ADSL hiatus since we needed it to print, no matter what our data source. But once the ADSL line was restored, the router started acting badly. On the off chance that it was a question of age (the router is at least 5 years old), Hubby updated the firmware. It solved the data drop out problem, but now a new problem has begun: it turns itself on and off.

Now this, I think, is absolutely bizarre! I go to bed at night and the router is plugged in and working. I get up in the morning, boot up the laptop, and it can't connect to the web. I go check the router and the lights tell me that it is turning itself on, booting up the in-house wireless, hooking up to the internet...and turning itself off and then after a second or two, turning itself on and starting the cycle all over again!! This will go on endlessly unless I unplug the beast and leave it alone for an hour or so before plugging it back in.

One might think it is an overheating problem, but I tried unplugging it at bedtime and plugging it in come morning and the problem returned. And it doesn't happen every morning...this morning it was just fine. And the problem isn't limited to morning (although it usually occurs then)...over the weekend Hubby had to reset the stupid thing several times in mid afternoon in order to get his internet connection.

I can't figure out if we have a hardware problem, an incoming line problem...or if the cosmos is trying to tell me I am spending too much time on the internet!

Whatcha gonna do??

A few days ago I went to the Post Office. It’s located in a mall and as I exited my car, I had to turn to find the source of loud voices, as did the man exiting the car parked right beside me. Walking towards us was a young couple, arguing in full voice. As my neighbour and I watched, the young man reached out and grabbed the woman, wrapping his arms tightly around her and stopping her from walking. She struggled violently and broke his grasp, then resumed walking towards the mall entrance, but he caught up with her and grabbed her again, restraining her. She again broke free and resumed her forward progress and while he caught up with her, he apparently saw they had witnesses and this time kept his hands to himself.

As the pair walked past us, the man from the next car looked to me and said “What was that all about?” I shrugged and replied “I don’t know, but if he touches her again like that, I’m calling a cop.” My neighbour nodded and we maintained our watchful positions until they entered the mall where the security staff could watch over her.

***
We have a tenant who is harassing another tenant and we are preparing to evict him. She has a restraining order that he has violated at least twice, and he has been arrested and briefly jailed. There is nothing compelling us to evict him, but his behaviour does violate his lease and we feel that she should not have to lose her home in a place she loves with neighbours who are her close friends because he can’t behave in a civil manner. We served him with notices of breach of his lease and an advance notice of our intent to cancel his lease (in keeping with terms of the lease) and he claims he will be seeing an attorney to fight it.

***
On an internet forum I frequent, one of the members has recently begun soliciting funds for a charity. At first blush, this might seem innocuous…even laudable…but on closer inspection the “charity” appears to be a scam. Inspection and careful perusal of the associated website revealed a lot of fluffy chatter about the founder’s “cause,” but no explanation as to what that cause might be. No charter, no plan, no pictures of needy victims…just garish photos of a blowsy blonde wearing an excess of clotted make up and trying to look sexy, plus a lot of poorly written hype using too many exclamation points.

When asked to explain her “charity,” its purpose and beneficiaries, Blondie dissembled frenziedly, using a lot of ALL CAPS and even more exclamation points. A great deal of drama ensued, polarizing the participants into “tell the truth” and “quit picking on Blondie” factions. Finally, in a flurry of breathless all caps and punctuation marks, Blondie obliquely acknowledged that the charity was, in fact, herself.

Suggestions that Blondie cease soliciting funds until her charity was legally sanctioned fell on deaf ears. When one of the more erudite members of the community called the fund-raising campaign a scam and threatened to contact Blondie’s state attorney general and lodge a complaint, the “quit picking on Blondie” faction revved its objections to a fever pitch.

I was astounded! Here was an internet scam growing before our eyes, the founder of which admitted that the pseudo-charity was for the purpose of lining her own pockets, and people were strenuously advocating that the whistleblower mind her own business!

***
Are we our brother’s (or sister’s) keeper? Has the world changed so much since I learned to tell right from wrong that people feel perfectly justified in publicly restraining an unwilling partner, seeking redress for an eviction caused by documented harassment of another, or proudly revealing…and publicly soliciting support for…an admitted fraud?

And why are such acts finding support? This, perhaps, is what baffles me the most.

The man restraining his girlfriend was viewed dimly by my fellow parking lot denizen, but a person doesn’t behave in such a manner in public without feeling justified in doing so. What has gone on in his life…what kind of support has he received…that allows him to think it is perfectly acceptable to restrain an unwilling and struggling woman, in public or in private?

The tenant has been arrested and his victim has a restraining order against him. He has violated the restraining order on at least two occasions and has admitted it. We reminded him of his obligation to not intimidate, harass, or otherwise disturb the peace of other tenants, per the conditions of his lease. So what kind of support has he received for this kind of behaviour that he thinks a court will grant his bid to remain in the flat and continue to harass the victim who lives next door?

And the internet scam…why on earth would a bunch of apparently intelligent people support the person perpetrating the scam instead of the person who reported it to the authorities? Instead of castigating the perp, why are they perceiving her as being “picked on” when she was asked to stop? This makes me feel like I have fallen down the rabbit hole…it makes me question my perception of right and wrong…it makes me wonder if I am out of synch with a world in which right and wrong have swapped places while I wasn’t looking.

I still stand ready to do the right thing…but can anyone tell me what the right thing is anymore?


Photo by navets, Flickr

Internet dating: 12 tips to keep you safe

A girlfriend of mine…I’ll call her Brenda…dropped by the other day. She knows that I met Hubby over the internet, and that I was Fat and Fiftyish when we met. She’s considerably younger than I was when I was last single, but she’s a robust young woman, and the mother of a six year old boy. She’s divorced and has now been single long enough to have recovered from the worst of the shock of finding love letters from her husband to another woman saying they could be together just as soon as his permanent residency came through and he could ditch his wife.

So we sat around the dining room table, Brenda and a friend of hers, Anita, chatting about blind dates, internet romances (Anita wanted the story of how Hubby and I met), and drinking our tea. As the conversation progressed I began to realize that neither of these smart, savvy women had any idea how to protect themselves while conducting an internet search for Mr. Right. Having successfully navigated those perilous waters myself, I offered them some advice, amazed at their surprise over these common sense tips. Here’s what I told them:

1. Don’t use your real email address. Conduct all of your searches and email/IM and other internet correspondence from an email address you have taken expressly for this purpose. You can use a yahoo!, hotmail, or gmail address. If the guy turns out to be a stalker…or worse…you can abandon the email address he knows and resume your search with a new disposable email address. Oh…and when you sign up for the email address, do not give out real information about yourself! Fake name, fake address, etc. You do not want to give a web-savvy stalker/hacker anything to track you with.

2. Don’t give out your real phone number. You can get a “throwaway” phone, a prepaid, if you feel you must give a guy your phone number, but never give out your real number(s) to anyone. That web-savvy stalker can track you down from your real telephone numbers, so don’t leave yourself out there. You can change the SIM card in one of these phones, getting a new phone number that the unwelcome cannot get.

3. Don’t use your real name in advertisements or in contacts with new men. Use an alias, one that is relatively outrageous, so it is obvious that it is an alias. Try to choose something that can be shortened down to a cute nickname he can call you until you are certain he is safe to reveal your true identity to (which should not be in the first few weeks of knowing the guy). Something like “FluffyBunny” or “Lambiekins” or SugarBerry have opportunities for nicknames that he can call you by. Pick something that reflects you…not who you think you want to be…who you are. If you are 5 feet tall and weight 300 lbs, don’t call yourself WillowyWanda…that sets up a false expectation and will inevitably result in disappointment for you both.

4. Use a picture that does not show your face and body clearly. You don’t want the scary stalker dude whom you refused to meet recognize you at McDonald’s, do you? And sexy pictures are a bad deal all the way around…unless, of course, you are trolling for one-night stands with strangers. If you post a picture showing lots of cleavage (or more), don’t be surprised if the guy expects more than coffee and a chat on the first date…if you are advertising your body, he’s going to expect to get some of it.

5. Do not send pictures of yourself to a man you have not yet met. Two reasons: scary stalker dude (above) and…are you sure you want to be rejected or selected as being worthy of dating based on your looks alone? Do you want to be involved with a man who won’t consider your whole persona before judging your value as a potential date? It’s your choice, of course, but aside from the safety factor, this is a good way to weed out the shallower members of the opposite sex…the ones who don’t care if your brain works or if you would make a great mother to his future kids…the ones who only care if your face it pretty, your boobs are big, and your girlie bits are available to him.

6. Don’t be too eager to meet. Remember, the man on the other computer may be completely unlike the “person” with whom you are corresponding. If you can pretend to be a tall, willowy blonde just breaking into a modelling career, he can be pretend to be an investment banker with a Ferrari and a six-pack. Give yourself the luxury of time…engage the man in email and IM conversations and keep a level head…he may be everything he seems…and then again, he may not even be close.

This is also a good test of his true personality and intent. A man who is respectful of you and your feelings won’t pressure you to meet before you are ready. He won’t pressure you to send a picture, engage in “off colour” conversations, or try to manipulate you into doing something you don’t want to do or something that could present a possible danger to you. If he decides that, on the basis of a few conversations, he loves you…that’s a red flag. If he says “no picture, no more contact,” that tells you that a) he’s shallow and b) he selfish and manipulative. You can tell a lot about a person by how he reacts when he doesn’t get what he wants. Give yourself the luxury of enough time to discover if the man is a louse before you take the time...and expose yourself to possible danger...to meet him.

Do not allow flattery or promises or declarations of love sway you away from safeguarding your safety.

7. Do not give out personal information about yourself. You can tell him what you do for a living, but don’t tell him where you work, worship, shop or hang out. If there is only one Tae Kwon Do studio in your town, then don’t tell him you take Tae Kwon Do lessons…if there are 30 of them, it is safer (but not entirely safe) to reveal that. Don’t tell him what part of town you live in (he may decide to hang around the local supermarkets looking for you).

8. Meet in a public place. When you finally do decide to meet him face-to-face, make sure it is in a public place. And I don’t mean a bar or nightclub or cosy, intimate restaurant. Make it a brightly lit place with lots of traffic. Nothing says safety more than bright lights and lots of witnesses! Make arrangements with a friend to call you within an hour of when you have arranged to meet. That way if the meeting is going badly, you can pretend some emergency has come up, make your excuses and apologies, and get gone.

9. Get there first. Arrive early…half an hour early. Order your own coffee or soft drink. You do not want him to see you arrive because you don’t want him to see your car. He should not know what you drive, not even what kind of car you drive. Don’t give him a chance to copy down your license plate number (or even memorize it). And don’t let him see your driver’s license, a credit card or any of your ID, either. Lock your bag and wallet in the trunk of your car…just take your keys and a small amount of cash with you into the meeting place. Your best guess is that this guy is OK, but you can’t really know yet, so don't leave yourself vulnerable.

10. Dress modestly when meeting for the first time. Of course, if you are looking to drag the man to bed before the night is over, ignore this bit of advice. But unless you are planning on some carnal entertainment with the guy, don’t dress as if you were. First impressions are powerful, and if you dress like Jenna Jamison, he is going expect you to come across with the goods. Not fair, maybe, but that’s how men interpret what we are wearing. On a date…especially a first date…he knows you are dressing for him, and if you show up dressed to show acres of skin and in the sexiest way possible, you are giving clear “come ravish me” signals. He’s going to think you are a tease if you don’t come across…and you are going to think he’s an animal with “only one thing on his mind” when he responds to the invitation your outfit sent him. There are plenty of ways to dress in the height of fashion while keeping your midriff, cleavage, and thighs covered…for a first date with a man you are meeting for the first time, find one of them.

11. Avoid alcohol. Not even one little, teensy-weensy glass of wine. You are here to assess this man as a potential partner and you need to be clear headed to do this. Be ruthless, don’t think “Oh, I can fix this…”, be more willing to reject him than to accept him. Why? Because you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your handsome prince, and the odds are, this guy is a frog. Don’t waste time on unsuitable men…one date and if he isn’t right…really right…move on. And how are you going to know if he’s right or not if you have alcohol clouding your judgment?

A related side tip: Don’t leave your drink unattended. Don’t even leave it close enough for him to drop something in it when you are distracted. There really are date rape drugs and there really are men who will use them. Don’t allow yourself to be victimized.

12. Don’t let him walk you to your car. In fact, wait until he drives away before you leave. If necessary, tell him a little story to get him to go without you…your brother/boss/best friend is going to meet you here shortly and you’re going to go take care of some family/office/girlfriend business. If he insists on waiting with you this is a red flag (possessiveness and lack of respect for your wishes). Excuse yourself to the ladies’ room, call your best friend on your cell phone, and get her to come rescue you. As soon as she walks in, walk out with her to HER car and drive around until you feel it is safe to come back for your own car. This is the kind of guy you got the disposable cell phone and email address for!

All this may make internet dating seem exceedingly perilous, but it is not. No more than meeting a strange guy in a dark bar while both of you have lowered inhibitions due to a few too many shooters. At least on the internet you get an opportunity to take the man’s measure, something you cannot possibly do in a loud club while your head is reeling from one Cosmo too many.

In dating, safety should always be a consideration. Use these tips to protect yourself so that you can actually relax and enjoy that exciting first date with a new man!