Renovating your rental

So, the day has come that you are the proud owner of a rental property…or perhaps you are still looking forward to that day. Whether you inherited a property, built a new home and the old one is now going up for rent, or you bought (or added on) something specifically to rent out, you are about to embark upon a new phase in your life: you are going to be a landlord.

One of the things few people think about when embarking upon landlordhood is preparing a property to be lived in by renters. Oh, you can just take the money and give them the keys and let the debris fall where it may, but if you want to be a landlord and have the least difficulty with the actual property, you may want to consider some strategic renovations before you stick that “For Rent” sign in the front lawn.

First of all, expect that your tenants will damage anything that can be damaged. It’s not that all renters are wantonly destructive (some are but most are not), it’s just that people tend not to take care of your property the way you would. Part of it is the wrong-headed notion that landlords are rich (you own more than one house, right? You must be rich, then!), but another part of it is simply that people just don’t care—it’s not theirs, it doesn’t matter. This attitude is the cause of ruined carpets, broken drapery rods, bent blinds, burnt counter tops, damaged floors, and a host of other problems you will know nothing about until your tenants move out. And all too often, the damage not only exceeds the security/cleaning deposit they paid, you end up losing subsequent rental income because you cannot rent it out the way they left it and you can’t wave a magic wand and have it in pristine condition overnight, either.

If you can possibly afford it—or if a tenant has thoroughly trashed your rental unit and you pretty much have to renovate from the ground up—here are some practical renovation ideas you might want to consider before you place that first ad.

Kitchen
The kitchen is called the “heart of the home”—it is also one of the most likely places for your tenants to cause damage. I recently renovated a 3 bedroom flat and the kitchen was so badly damaged I had to strip it to the bare walls and start from scratch. Here are some lessons I learned:

Countertops: no Formica/Melamine countertops. One hot pot placed on the counter top and you have a blister—the blister will break and cause a hole. Water will get into the hole and swell the substrate…which will then mildew and smell, as well as provide a handy breeding place for nasty little bugs. Formed surfaces like Corian and natural surfaces like granite are hard-wearing but not impervious to the inventive kinds of damage tenants can inflict, and shockingly expensive to replace. What to use? Ceramic tiles with a dark grout. Use the same tiles for the counter top and backsplash and keep extra tiles and grout (in an air-tight container). Tiles won’t burn or scorch but, like natural surfaces, they can be cracked or broken. Fortunately, however, a broken tile doesn’t require the replacement of an entire counter top—just replace and regrout from the spares you have kept aside.

Floors: fatuous manufacturer’s claims to the contrary, laminate floors are a bad idea in the kitchen (anywhere, actually), especially in a rental. I had a laminate floor in a room in a house I used to live in…somebody dropped something heavy on it—the corner of a piece of furniture…and it dented the floor. No big deal? Well, that’s what I thought until I mopped it. The dent actually broke the surface seal and water got into it, and it swelled up. I still didn’t think it was a big deal until I tried to replace the damaged panel—not an easy task. Vinyl flooring is a popular choice in the US, but vinyl floor tiles will come up at the corners and sheet vinyl can be torn, burnt, and the surface scraped by pushing something heavy over it…like a refrigerator (you don’t need to ask me how I know this). Again, the best floor for tenants is ceramic tile, for the same reason it is a good idea on the counter tops: a light coloured tile will make the room look large, light, airy, and clean—dark grout will not show accumulated dirt and stains from spills. And a single broken or chipped tile can be replaced much more easily and cheaply than any other flooring choice. Use a larger tile than those on the counter top and backsplash, make sure they are tiles made for floors (not wall tiles—those are too thin) and that they are safe when wet…and keep an extra box or two for replacements.

Cupboards: if the existing cupboards are in good condition, then spray them for bugs (do this after every tenant moves out while they are empty) and paint them inside and out with a washable enamel paint. Additionally, it is a good idea to cover all of the shelves with a sticky-backed vinyl, otherwise you may be looking at some serious clean up time when your tenants vacate. It is amazing the kinds of sticky messes you will find on those cupboard shelves!

If the cupboards are not in good condition, replace them with real wood carcasses if at all possible. It may cost a bit more in the in the beginning but in the long run, they save you money. Pressboard carcasses need only one sink overflow or burst pipe or liquid spill to swell up and subsequently crumble. Don’t ask me how many of those I have had to replace due to water damage—I have lost count. Before you install new cupboards, spray them with a sealant on all surfaces to help kept them water resistant.

Resist the urge for trendy: install plain cupboard doors with simple, inexpensive, easily sourced knobs and pulls. If your tenants lose or break a knob or handle, you don’t want to have to replace them all because the cutesy ones on the rest of the cupboards are no longer available. And make sure your hinges are sturdy and affixed with stout screws. You don’t even want to know the kinds of things tenants can do to cupboard doors!

Do not remove cupboards without a good reason. “It’s the fashion” is not a good reason. No kitchen ever has enough storage space, so don’t make it any less. If there is an expanse of counter space, like a breakfast bar, that has no cupboards above, consider adding some suspended from the ceiling. Abundant storage space appeals to people and you want to appeal to the broadest possible cross-section of people in order to have the best choice of tenants.

A good reason to remove a lower cupboard is to install a bank of drawers. Few kitchens have enough drawers. If the kitchen has fewer than eight drawers, consider adding more.

Walls and ceiling: no wall paper…it peels, it is hard to clean, it stains. If there is wallpaper, steam it off and paint the walls with a washable enamel paint. Use a light neutral colour on walls, ceilings, and woodwork, including doors. If your tenants want to repaint, refuse permission: tell them they can use colourful curtains and accessories but leave the paint alone because you have kept extra cans of paint for touch ups (and you have, haven’t you?).

Fixtures: keep lighting fixtures simple: no fancy chandeliers or dangling pendants—simple ceiling fixtures that give good light and aren’t so pretty your tenants will be tempted to steal them. Remove under-cupboard task lighting if possible—the more stuff you leave to damage, the more that will be damaged.

Avoid ceramic sinks if possible: the porcelain can crack and chip away from dropping pots and such into the sink. A thick stainless steel sink can better withstand the kind of abuse tenants tend to give. And avoid the trendy taps and clever single handle faucets, too. A simple tap with two twist-type handles is the simplest (and therefore cheapest) to repair.

Appliances: provide as few as you can get away with and only built-in items that are difficult to steal. (I once rented out a furnished unit and within six weeks the tenant had stolen and sold everything that was literally not nailed down including the refrigerator and the kitchen stove!) You may be required to provide certain minimums, so check your local laws, but if you are permitted to rent out a house with no kitchen appliances, do so. Otherwise, go for built-ins like a counter-top mounted cooking surface and built-in oven. Again, don’t go for trendy: the simpler the appliance, the fewer gadgets like timers and probes and electronic clocks, the more difficult to break and easier (read that “cheaper”) to repair. Avoid ceramic and glass-topped cooking surfaces as they are easy to scratch and crack and difficult to repair. Better a simple top with plug-in coils or a gas top with sealed burners.

While it is unlikely that you will provide a refrigerator for your tenants, when you renovate, leave room for any size fridge in the kitchen—you have no idea how large a fridge a prospective tenant might have and you certainly don’t want to lose a good one over fridge space! So, don’t box in the area for the fridge, leave it open and leave plenty of room.

If the kitchen has a garbage disposal, you may want to consider removing it. Not only can it be dangerous in the hands of a tenant’s children, your tenant may not be too careful what s/he puts down it, giving you headaches and plumber’s bills. Same thing with a dishwasher: remove it and put in that bank of drawers or a cupboard door and tell the prospective tenant it is a cupboard for the trash bin. If you feel you absolutely must provide a dishwasher, buy the cheapest one you can find with the least amount of features…you will probably have to repair (or replace) it frequently. Definitely do not provide a microwave oven. If the kitchen has one built in, remove it and make the space into storage.

Bathrooms
Ceramic tiles are the only floor treatments to consider—seal the floor before setting the tiles to waterproof the floor, then seal the grout, especially at the baseboards/skirting boards, once the tiles are installed.

If the bathroom has only a tub, consider adding a shower as it makes the place more “rentable.” Most men prefer a shower rather than a tub bath. But do it right—spend the money to have a plumber open the wall and install a proper shower and don’t add a hand-held shower head. Don’t give the tenant anything to break or pull loose (I had a tenant rip the hose completely out of the wall, making a huge mess and necessitating an expensive repair). Avoid shower doors if you can—one more thing to break or for you to have to laboriously clean when the tenants leave. Shower curtains are cheap and you can expect your tenant to provide his own.

Check the tub—if it is fibreglass, consider replacing it with a porcelain-finished cast iron tub. I had to replace a fibreglass tub last year because it had a hole in the bottom—a split at least eight inches (20 cm) long. Then I had to spend a small fortune repairing the bathroom in the flat downstairs (which I do not own) because of the water damage caused by my tenants continuing to use the tub with a hole in the bottom!

Tiles around the shower/tub should be the same ones you used in the kitchen counter and backsplash so you don’t need to keep a lot of different spares on hand. If the sink is mounted on a cabinet, tile the top of it to prevent scorch marks from curling or flat irons and cigarettes (it is not enough to say your unit is non-smoking—I have had to completely repaint an entire 120 sqm non-smoking flat to be rid of the nicotine stains and stale cigarette smoke smell, and I had to strip, sand and paint a beautiful natural wood bathroom cabinet that was ruined with cigarette burns).

If the sink is a wall-hung model, replace it with something supported from the bottom. A cabinet-type sink base is best. People lean—even sit!—on sinks. A pedestal-style sink is not as secure as it looks (often the pedestal is not supporting the sink, it merely hides the pipes). And provide an over-sink mirror that is the door to a built-in medicine cabinet: those are harder to steal or break than something just hung on the wall.

Make sure the toilet is in good working order and that the valve behind the toilet (for controlling water flow) is not stuck or corroded shut. If you don’t already have one, a low-flow toilet will reduce the water consumption and therefore your bill. Be particularly certain that the toilet is secure on the floor and that there are no water leaks that can cause costly floor damage.

Provide a locking door knob or handle. Don’t cheap out here by putting in a sliding bolt or chain or hook and loop lock—those are easily forced and they take out your door jamb, too. Install simple, bright lights in the bathroom, preferably over the sink so the tenant has enough light for shaving/make up/hair styling. And stay away from wall paper: if it is already installed, remove it and paint with the same enamel paint as used in the kitchen.

In general:

Window treatments: It might be tempting to put in cute curtains, but the smart money is on putting up a sturdy wood pole to hang curtains from and leaving the decorating to the tenants. Metal rods and brackets are easily torn from the walls, pull-type drapery rods are easily damaged. Vertical blinds and even custom metal or wood blinds all fall prey to the carelessness of a tenant. Solid wood poles mounted with long solid screws (or molly bolts, if you have hollow walls) above every window will last the longest.

Floors: high traffic areas like entries, hallways, back doors/mudrooms all benefit from ceramic tile with sealed grout. They are the easiest to clean and least likely to show wear. Wood floors, if finished with polyurethane, also hold up well. Carpet is a bad idea but if you must install it, choose a dirt-friendly colour to hide the inevitable stains and invest in a really, really good vacuum because you will need it when the tenants leave.

Walls, ceilings, woodwork: wallpaper is to be avoided. Washable matte finish paint in a neutral colour on the walls, white on the ceilings, white gloss enamel on painted woodwork, polyurethane on natural wood. Keep paint in sealed cans (lay a sheet of plastic wrap over the surface of the paint to prevent it from drying out) for touchups later.

Locks: make sure all windows and doors have fully functioning locks. You don't want too get sued by your own tenants when a burglar comes through an unlockable window and someone gets hurt. Keep a complete set of keys for every lock in the house, including any padlocks (like for the garage door) that you supply. If there are remotes, keep one for yourself. If there is an emergency—or if the tenants lose their keys or move without returning the keys—you will need a set.

None of these renovations will prevent a tenant from damaging your property, but they will cut down on repairs and the dead time (your rental will be empty and not generating income) while you are doing the repairs. Best of luck in the landlord business!

Passive Income and Rental Property: Oxymoron!

A very smart friend of mine was filling me in on her “three year plan” for her finances. She’s an accountant and holds a very responsible management position in a fairly large firm…when it comes to money, she’s no dummy. But she said something that disturbed me—her next plan (this one is drawing to a close) is to create for herself some “passive income,” an excellent goal—but in the same breath she mentioned buying a second house for that purpose.
As a landlord and rental property manager, I had to tell her than owning rental property is anything but passive! There is nothing passive about 3 am calls that the geyser (hot water heater) has burst or that the roof is leaking onto the tenant’s bed! There is nothing passive about being on vacation and getting a call that the property has been burglarized and there are broken locks and windows all over the place. There is nothing passive about discovering your tenant has failed to maintain the garden, has broken a toilet, or stolen the satellite dish. In short, there is nothing passive at all about owning a house or flat that someone else—someone over whom you have virtually no control—lives in.

Tenants often surmise that because you own the property and rent it out to them, you must be rich. They assume that you own the property outright so that whatever they pay you in rent is pure profit to your pocket. To many of them, this means they don’t have to pay their rent on time or conserve power or water, and if they break something—oh, well—you’re rich, you can afford to fix it. The reality of owning rental property is often very different from the expectations—and different in ways many prospective landlords never dreamed.

First of all, it is unlikely you will turn a profit on the property in the first three to five years. Why? Because you are buying the property at market value which means your mortgage payments will most likely be more than the market value rent for the same property. It takes several years for rents to increase until the market rent is higher than your mortgage (bond) payment. And in a slow property market, that will be even more likely. When houses don’t sell, people rent them out, which puts a glut on the market and drives rents down. So, if you are planning to buy a property as a rental, you must expect to supplement the incoming rents in order to have enough to make your mortgage payments…and if you didn’t take out a PITI (principle, interest, taxes and insurance) loan, you’re going to have to dig even deeper for tax and insurance money.

Secondly, every dwelling has to have utilities: water, electric, trash, sewer, etc. It is tempting to tell the tenant that he has to transfer all these things into his name, thereby saving you the hassle of it. But that’s not always the smartest thing to do. The purveyors of water, electricity and the like tend to be pretty single-minded about getting paid for their services and if your tenant doesn’t pay the bills, the services get turned off. Not your problem, you say? Well, you’ll think differently when your tenant moves out and you find yourself with a mountain of refuse in the back yard—or worse, inside the house or apartment—(trash pick up was suspended for non payment), a dead garden (water was cut off for non payment) and you can’t turn on the lights to clean the place up after you get home from work (electricity shut off for non payment). And you’ll think even more differently when you go to get them turned back on…this time in your name…and the entity demands that you bring the accounts current and pay a whopping deposit before they will transfer them.

So, with this lesson in mind, you rent the property out keeping the accounts in your own name…you will bill the tenant for usage. But now, if the tenant fails to pay, you don’t have the legal right to shut off services! And if the tenant has kids, you can’t just put them out on the street with three days notice, either, you have to take them to court, which can take months—months during which the tenant continues to not pay the utilities and may even stop paying the rent.

Small claims courts have a rather low limit on what they will allow you to sue for, and that low limit will be reached very quickly if your tenant is using water and electricity at an alarming rate and not paying you for it. If the tenant also stops paying rent, you will end up having to fund a lawyer and pay court costs just to get the deadbeat tenant out of your property—and if you think you are going to recover that money from the tenant, think again. Unless you have the funds to hire a lawyer and take the person to court, you get nothing. In fact, even if you do have the money to take the person to court and you win, now you have to hire someone to collect for you! And the grim reality is, if the person is renting, they probably don’t have much in the way of assets for you to seize, nor a fat income to garnish: people who have fat incomes and valuable assets tend not to be renters.

Chasing rents and utility payments is hardly a passive occupation, and there is nothing passive about trying to get a vacant unit rented out, either. Free advertising exists on the web, but my own experience was that I got better response from a paid newspaper ad! First you have to get people interested in the property…motivate them to answer your ad. Once they call, expect half of them to fail to show up for their appointment: you get to drive over to the property, tidy it up for the showing, wait an hour only to have the prospective tenant no-show and often even fail to call to cancel.

Once you give the address of the unit, expect people to drive by and look at the place in advance of their appointment. Some of the cancellations I have received were astounding: “Didn’t like green houses” (the house was white and behind a masonry wall!); “Too far for me to commute” (we had already established it was closer than the current residence); “No garage” (that was already disclosed on the phone); “Doesn’t have a pool” (yes it does, you just can’t see it from the street!); “the house is too small” (you haven’t even been inside and you can’t see the whole house from the street!). Once they have seen the place, expect negotiations—some of them outrageous: “I can’t afford this, can you drop the rent by 25%? I’ll sign a year’s lease so you’ll know it will be rented for that long…” (Sorry, but if you couldn’t afford the advertised rent, why did you even call? Why are you wasting my time and yours? And I always require a 12 month lease—so you bring nothing to the table with your offer.) “Can we adjust the rent for work I do around here?” (What work?? The place is in good nick and your lease requires you to keep up the garden. Are you suggesting you are going to break things and expect me to pay you, via a reduction in your rent, for fixing them?) “I know the ad said small dog OK…what about my German Shepherd?” (Only if he weighs 10kg (22lbs) or less at full growth…) “Are you going to fence the pool/garden/front yard/patio? I have a small child…” (No, we are not. If you cannot keep an eye on your child then this is not the rental for you.)

Some people will also want to fudge the deposit: “Can I pay the deposit in instalments after I move in? I don’t have that much cash right now…” Trust me, saying “yes” this question has been a problem every single time we have agreed. Every time. If they can’t come up with your deposit in a lump sum, expect them to be unable to come up with the rent on time and in full as well—and don’t expect the deposit to be paid—ever.

The deposit is important because more often than not, the tenant leaves the property in need of expensive services. If you are lucky, the worst you will need is a cleaning lady and a carpet shampooer. If you are not lucky, you may require the services of an attorney to sue for damages. We have had both experiences and neither of them are passive—nor are they income! One tenant, for whom we agreed to accept monthly instalments on the deposit, we had to evict after only four months for harassing and threatening another tenant on the property (complete with police visits and reports). During his four month tenancy he did not make a single instalment on the deposit and when he moved out, damage to the property exceeded what would have been the deposit, had he paid it!! To add insult to injury, he consulted an attorney and we received a letter demanding a refund on the unused portion of his rent! Fortunately his attorney knew a losing proposal when he saw one, as we responded that we had applied the unused portion of his rent to the unpaid deposit which was then spent to replace the broken toilet, window, and clean the filth that he had allowed to accumulate in only four months (including sacks of rotting garbage in the kitchen), and that he owed us an additional amount for cleaning and damages, as the excess rent did not cover our costs. We never heard from the tenant or the lawyer again.

Assuming you are lucky enough to get a good tenant who pays their rent on time and doesn’t damage property (and credit checks...which cost money...won’t tell you that!), entropy happens—even to new and recently remodelled properties. We have a flat that was completely remodelled less than a year ago at a cost that approximates what we collect in rents in a year. The tenants are perfect…but the flat continues to need visits from our handyman and from the Body Corporate’s maintenance people: leaking roof, leaking pipe, leaking sink, wobbly tiles, burst geyser (hot water heater)…the list goes on. Another absolutely perfect tenant had to tell me that her brand new kitchen stove suddenly isn’t getting any gas, necessitating a visit from the handyman. Another tenant never, ever pays her rent in full and on time, necessitating constant contact with reminders and even threats to get our money. Other tenants are profligate with the electricity in their units to the degree that the property is now operating in the red. None of this is passive and all of it reflects an outflow of money rather than income.

So, the next time you are thinking about “passive income” and the idea of owning some rental property seems appealing to you, think again. There is nothing passive about being a landlord and precious little “income” until the property appreciates enough for you to sell it at a profit!

Money and brains

I prefer not to think of people as stupid…misguided, perhaps, or misinformed—even unthinking…but not stupid. Sometimes, however, it is difficult to stick to my resolve, difficult to refrain from assigning “stupid” or even “bone-deep stupid” to a person, based on a remark or an outlandish expectation.

My brother-in-law is a nice guy…smart, too. But being nice and being smart do not protect a person from being preyed upon by the unscrupulous members of our species. He owns a three bedroom apartment in Joburg but because he lives six hours away, he engaged a property letting and management company to manage it and keep it rented for him.

Like most people, my brother-in-law believed that since he was dealing with the largest company of its kind in the country and they had signed legally binding documents, his property was in good hands, it would be kept rented, it would be taken care of. He was wrong.

Oh, they rented the property, all right, but the quality of tenants they put into the flat left a lot to be desired and, a couple of years down the road, the interior of the flat has been so badly damaged and compromised that it was not rentable any longer. So, the agency called my brother-in-law and asked for money to paint and do repairs, something he normally agreed to, but this time they asked for an unusually large sum of money and red flags went up. Since we live in the area, he asked us to take a look for him…and we did.

The first clue there was something really wrong was the agent, when we went to her office to collect the keys…there was only one key instead of a complete set, and she said the security gate was broken. Then she lied and said the flat was needing work because whenever she called the owner, my husband’s brother, to ask for funds to fix things, he said “no.”

I immediately had to wonder why she wasn’t withholding money from the tenants’ deposits to fix things damaged during their tenancy. That is what the deposit is for, after all. And what was with this one key? Shouldn’t there be more keys to the place? Lost and missing keys and even changing locks when the tenant doesn’t return security and front door keys…that’s deductible from the deposit…where are the rest of the keys?

And then we got to the flat and I understood it all…despite a written contract that mandated the agents inspect the flat several times a year (to make sure the tenant wasn’t trashing the place), despite the agency taking security/cleaning deposits from tenants that were supposed to be used to remedy damage and clean the place after exit, the flat was a wreck. Cockroaches, bold as day, ran all over the floors, carpets and countertops and infested the cabinets and kitchen stove. The stove was so filthy it was literally uncleanable. Kitchen cabinets were missing doors, their bases rotted from water damage. The melamine countertops were blistered and burned and no longer secured to the walls; vinyl tile floors had holes, stains, large paint marks (for paint colours not used in the flat!) and were curled at the corners and lifted from the floors…more water damage. The bathtub had a hole in it and the wall behind it was water damaged clear through to the adjoining room (brick walls…it had soaked through the brick!). In the living room and bedrooms the carpet bore multiple melted imprints of a hot iron…somebody had used the carpet for an ironing board in several rooms…and in the centre of the living room the carpet there was a puddle of solidified candle wax the size of a plate. That, of course, is in addition to the multiple holes and stains in the carpeting and the fact that it was harbouring an infestation of roaches sufficient to make a strong man quail.

The bathtub had a hole in it and after the tub was removed, it took days for the wet concrete floor beneath it to dry out…the flat had been empty for more than a month at this juncture, but the space beneath the tub was still damp…and beginning to smell. One of the bedroom light fixtures…the fixture itself, not the light diffuser…was broken and needed replacing and the light fixture in the kitchen and open plan living room were so encrusted with grease and dirt that they had to be taken down and soaked in degreaser to clean. The closet in one bedroom, a fitted wardrobe made of white melamine, was so damaged it had to be removed…even the bricks supporting the door hinges were damaged, huge gouges out of them. The bedroom doors have heavy steel door frames…they had been pried open on at least one occasion, damaging both the door frames (which had to be pounded back into shape like at a body shop/panel beaters) and the doors (which had to be replaced).

The damage was extensive and horrifying…and costly to remedy. And while the agent’s expectation for paint was outrageous (she was asking for enough money to paint the flat several times, and the neighbouring flats as well), she wasn’t asking near enough to fix the damage to the unit and put it back into rentable order.

And so, my brother-in-law cancelled his contract with the agency and appointed his brother and me as managers. For the last week our contractor has been in there, pounding out door frames, removing all the damaged stuff and discarding it, getting the place fumigated, and preparing to put down new floors. This past weekend we bought tiles, grout, and adhesive, new bath hardware (the old was damaged beyond repair), new doors, a ceiling fan/light to replace the broken fixture, doors, paint, and a new kitchen stove. Next week the cabinets will be finished and he will install them…and all of this is costing my brother-in-law the equivalent of eight months rental income, just to make the place habitable again.

But that eight months income is gross, not net. The flat is in what Americans think of as a “condo” complex, so there are monthly levies to pay to the company that manages the exterior of the building (landscaping, paving, painting, roofs, drains, security, etc.) as well as the monthly mortgage (bond) payment. So, when the flat is empty, he has what is called a “negative cash flow,” meaning money flows out of his pocket to support the place rather than money flowing in. So, occupied or not, the flat has to be “fed” every month.

I have already begun advertising the flat for rent. The contractor looks on track to have it finished by 1 March, and we are hoping to have a tenant for it by then, to get money flowing back into my BIL’s pocket. The ad specifically states that the flat is freshly renovated with new tiles, cabinets, counter tops, kitchen stove, shower/tub (most of these flats have tub only), satellite dish, new paint, etc. Even someone who can barely reason must appreciate that if all this is new, a lot of money has been put into the place and it doesn’t take a rocket scientist…or even an accountant…to see that with that kind of money going out, the owner surely expects a return on the investment.

And so I come to the “misguided, perhaps, or misinformed—even unthinking…but not stupid” part. I got an inquiry from a person this morning who would like to see the flat. The only catch is, he can’t move until 1 June, would I hold the flat for him until then if he pays the deposit and first month’s rent now? He doesn’t plan to pay rent for March, April, or May, though…just secure the flat by paying the deposit and June’s rent. In South Africa we have a word for people like this…”chancer.” Why would anyone in his right mind think that, after spending all that money to renovate this flat from top to bottom, end to end, we’d agree to let it stand empty for three months…with no income…just so he can have it in June?

I honestly don’t suspect the guy of intentionally wanting something for nothing, I suspect he is as naïve as most people are to the reality of rental ownership, and I further suspect he thinks I am a greedy bitch when I told him that if he pays March, April, and May’s rent, he can move in whenever he wants. The problem is, I don’t think most people understand that most landlords have a bond (mortgage) on their property and that they must pay property taxes, trash collection fees, even minimal water and electricity charges whether the property is rented or not. Owning rental property is a business, and businesses have expenses, even when there is no income! In this country, there are no fixed-rate mortgages, so when the landlord agrees to a fixed rental for a year, he may actually lose money if the interest rates rise…this actually happened to us with our Cape Town property. I have heard people complain when their landlords raise their rent at lease renewal time…I heard a neighbour complain that his rent was going up 10% and the flat wasn’t worth 10% more—but maybe his landlord’s costs have gone up? Maybe his interest rate has been increased, the amount he has to pay the Body Corporate for maintenance of the property raised…or he knows he’d better bank that increase in order to paint over the purple, turquoise and lime green walls the tenant used to cover over the neutral palette that was the original colour scheme?

So, again, I hesitate to think of people as stupid, but how much actual thinking does it take to realize that asking a landlord to keep a flat empty for you for three months is a very stupid idea that will cost the landlord money? OK, if the landlord is your mum or grandmum, maybe…but a complete and total stranger will be willing to disadvantage himself to the tune of three months rental in order to have you for a tenant? Are you really that special? Or just that unthinking?

Landlording is not for the faint of heart!

My husband has never been a landlord before. When I was in my teens, my mother and stepfather were landlords and I learned a lot…too much!...from their experiences.

One of the tenants we ejected last month has come back to haunt us. They moved out on August 11 and, despite my written request for a forwarding address, we have no idea where they went. Neither one of them provided an address so, when we finished our inspection of the property, there was no place for us to send the report. So, I wrote the report, noted there was no forwarding address, and stored it in my computer.

Today we received a letter from a lawyer. The letter is dated August 17…24 days ago and less than a week after they moved out. The letter gives us 14 days to refund the unused portion of their August rent…but the letter was not even posted until 19 days after it was written! It was sent via registered mail, so the date and time it was posted is on the sticker on the back of the envelope…that should sit well with a Magistrate, eh? Guarantee default by failing to post the demand until after the deadline has passed…cute.

We have no idea what this tenant told the lawyer, but based on the demand, the truth wasn’t part of it. First of all, there were two guys on the lease and this dude doesn’t just want his half of the money, he wants all of it. A real pal, eh? Pay half the rent but when you decide a refund is in order, demand the whole bundle for your own pocket. I’m guessing he neglected to mention his co-Lessee and flatmate to the attorney…

He also, obviously, neglected to mention that he never paid his security deposit, which was supposed to pay in monthly instalments…didn’t make even one payment! The amount he owes us for that security deposit is more than he claims we owe him in a rent refund…

Then there is the question of damages to the flat…if we keep the whole excess rent as a part of the arrears on the security deposit (which is what we did), the dude and his buddy still owe us 700 bucks in damages over and above the money his lawyer is trying to pry out of us. So, he wants R3000 from us (only half of which he paid) but he and his former flatmate owe us more than R3700 in damages. Do you think his lawyer would have sent us that letter if he knew?

Ya gotta wonder about people…did he think the cracked toilet would go unnoticed? How do you crack a toilet in four places so that it leaks all over the bathroom floor? Did he think I got a volunteer to work nine hours in that flat, carrying out rotting garbage, clearing the stench out, scrubbing nicotine off the walls, grease stains out of the wall-to-wall and the black slimy mould off the bathroom ceilings? Why was the recessed lighting fixture hanging out of the ceiling? How did the seat of the barstool get snapped in half? And why is one of the pine strips of the ceiling hanging half off? Does he think I have a magic wand that, with one wave, will fix all of that for free? The flat was in fine condition when he moved in…it was a sty when he moved out only four months later!

My husband is a kind hearted man. He wants to help people where he can, he wants to believe the best in them whenever possible. I’ve know all along that when given an inch, most people will take a mile…I remember some of the lulus my mother had for tenants and some of the incredibly lame excuses they could conjure for not having their rent or how something got broken or soiled or damaged or went missing. Forty years later and 12,000 miles away, it is no different.

Being a nice guy, my husband allowed these guys to take the flat without a security/cleaning deposit. We wrote into their lease that they would pay the deposit off in monthly instalments over the next six months. They didn’t pay a cent. And every month there was a sob story about how tight money was…even when it was obvious that they were spending a sh*tload of money on booze since, from the accounts of the neighbours, they were apparently seldom sober.

So, they paid their rent on the first of August and on the eleventh they moved out at our request. We applied the unused portion of the rent, about R3000, to the arrears security deposit…which was still about R700 short. Even if they had been up to date on their deposit payments, they would have gotten back less than R50, due to the filth and damage they left behind.

So, you have to wonder what prompted the letter. Did the guy really think he wouldn’t have to pay for the damages and dirt? What makes him think that even if we were inclined to refund the money, we would give all of it to him and none of it to his flatmate and co-Lessor?

So much of this makes no sense…he didn’t bother to give us an address to send a possible refund, but six days after moving out he sees a lawyer to demand a refund? What kind of sense does that make? Why did the letter take 24 days to get here? The lawyer’s office is less than two kilometres from our place, the post office is between here and there…19 days it sat in his office, unmailed, and it finally gets posted 5 days after the deadline had passed?

We wrote the lawyer back and told him that as soon as his client paid us his half of the damages…which amounted to about R1850…we would pay his client his half of the amount in question…about R1550. Or the man could just pay the additional R330 and we would keep the funds we already had.

And then we said that if he client decided to pursue his claim further, we would turn him over to our attorneys for collection, in which case he would be liable not only for damages, but for legal costs as well.

So, now we wait. Landlording is not a business for the faint of heart.

WE WON! Tenant from Hell Update

The magistrate has found in our favour with regard to Lynda's destruction of our property and her back rent. At this point, a judgment has been issued in our favour and we have instructed our attorneys to proceed with collection.

Unlike America, where you can get a judgment but are your own when it comes time to collect, the law here provides for the sheriff to immediately seize the movable assets of the debtor. Lynda has dragged her feet for almost ten months...we've been in litigation for five months...and during this entire time she has paid only R5000, an amount slightly more than what she claims her her total indebtedness to us, never mind that just her past-due rent is almost twice that amount!

So, we have instructed our attorneys to instruct the sheriff to get on with his business...with the roofing and water heater disasters of the past two months...not to mention both cars breaking down...we need that money! Her damages to the property we covered out of our own pockets and now it is time to get it back.

I wonder how much the sheriff is going to get for that pretty lavender BMW of hers?

Some people and their houses!

Hubby and I are considering buying another investment property. The property market is sluggish here with prices either stagnant or declining, which makes it the best time to buy, whether for a personal dwelling or an investment.

There are several kinds of investment buyers…some want to buy the property and “flip” it for a profit: these buyers need an undervalued or distressed property that they can buy, wait a few months for property values to rise, then sell at a profit. Other investment buyers specialize in fixer-uppers: they buy properties in need of repair, fix them up and then sell the property at a profit. These investors need in increasing property market in order to profit from their purchase. We, on the other hand, are landlords: we buy a property and rent it out, using the rental income to pay the monthly payments on the property. To make this kind of purchase work, the price and the condition of the property must be such that it can be rented out as soon as possible and at an amount that will pay the mortgage. Pretty much a no-brainer in my eyes, but I am constantly amazed at people who simply don’t get it…especially estate agents!

We were supposed to go look at a possible investment property last night, but at the last minute, the estate agent had to cancel our appointment. Seems the property is occupied by a renter who decided she had better things to do and was not going to let us in to see the property. I wonder if Judy, the agent, has any idea how bad that looks to a potential buyer? Why didn’t the owner show up with keys to let us in? Why is a tenant being allowed to determine when…and if…a potential buyer will be allowed to see the property? I own rental property and if I was keen to sell it, I’d be there with keys in hand if it was inconvenient for my tenant to admit potential buyers...I certainly wouldn’t allow my tenant to control whether or not potential buyers would see the property!

After our experiences with Lynda, who couldn’t seem to wrap her head around the concept that landlords trump tenants, Hubby and I no longer want to see this property because it is apparent that if we do, we will inherit a tenant who thinks she is in control of things, not the owner. Sorry, been there, done that, and don’t have any desire to do it again!

I am astounded at some of these properties…and at Judy’s attitude. I saw four properties yesterday and three of them were appalling. One required a huge investment in repairs, another one was grossly overpriced and inhabited by messy tenants, the third was an absolute pig sty, with things strewn about and washing hanging everywhere, dirty dishes in the sink, even a chunk missing out of a corner of a masonry wall!…the kind of place that “Clean House” moves in and makes over. Amazingly, the estate agent defended not only some outrageous prices, but the filthy, rundown conditions of the properties as well! She knew full well that if we buy it will be an investment property…maybe she doesn’t know what that means in practical terms.

You see, the whole purpose of owning investment property is to make money on it. If you are a landlord, to make a new investment property pay it has to get rented out as quickly as possible because every month the house is unoccupied is a month that the owner makes the payments out of his own pocket. This means the more work the property needs, the longer it will be off the market, which effectively means the buyer’s cost for the property is increased…not to mention the cash outlay for fixing the property in the first place. There is nothing emotional in an investment property purchase (or at least there shouldn’t be), the whole thing is driven by the numbers.

What are those numbers? Well, the first one is “How much rent can I get for this place?” The second one is “What are my monthly payments going to be?” (If you don’t have an idea of what interest rates are and how to calculate your monthly repayment, then you should not be looking at buying rental property!). Now, if the discrepancy is small and something you can make up out of your own pocket without too much pain, then you ask the rest of the questions: how quickly can I have this ready to rent out? How long can I make the entire payment out of my own pocket? How much is it going to cost to make it ready to rent?

These last are the questions that make or break a deal. If you can assume the estimated rental is approximately the same as the estimated monthly house payment, it looks like a good deal, right? But suppose the house, like a house I saw yesterday, has a garage conversion that was so badly done that it now has a leaking roof, sodden ceilings, and the only access is through the master bedroom. And, to add to the trouble, the main bathroom has badly broken tiles and the toilet has had a serious leak in the past which was very amateurishly repaired. Now what?

Well, the first thing you have to do is come up with a rough estimate of the cost of the repairs. Will you do the work yourself? How much time will it take? Each month the building is under repair is a month without rental income, so you are actually adding to your acquisition cost.

Look at it this way: let’s suppose you feel you can afford R800,000 for a rental property:

Cost of property (including fees ): R800,000
Monthly repayment: R7,000
Three months to repair: 3
Cost of repairs: R50,000
Actual cost of property: R871,000

Why R871,000? Because that it what it is going to cost you before you can rent it out to the first tenant: R800K for the house, R21K out of pocket for the house payments, and R50K to fix what is wrong with it. So, to limit your investment in the property to R800K, you’ll have to buy it for R730K or thereabouts…That way, when the property is ready to be rented out, your property investment is actually the R800K you figured you could afford.

Now Judy tried to convince me that the house was priced at its fair market value, but it had been on the market for months and it was vacant and the sellers were getting desperate. If it was truly at its fair market value, wouldn’t it have sold already? Obviously, those who had viewed the property were not inspired by the obvious work that was needed. What the estate agent was refusing to face is that when a buyer is quoted a price, s/he expects to have a property ready for occupation at that price, not a property needing further investment in order to be habitable. “It’s a fair price,” she kept telling me. Yah…if it was ready to move into, I might agree…but not if it is going to cost me another R70K before I can put up a for rent sign!

Investment buyers are, by definition, people who seek to acquire property with the least expense to themselves and then profit from their purchase. We look for properties that are ready to be rented out very quickly or that are priced low enough that a month or two off the market for repairs won’t be deadly to the pocket. And the properties have to be in neighbourhoods that will attract renters who have pockets deep enough to pay a rent that will cover the majority of the monthly bond payment. Over time rents go up and eventually the property will go into a positive cash flow mode, but if you’ve paid too much for the property, either through extensive repairs and off-market time, or by failing to resist an agent’s platitudes, you’ll never get into profit.

One of the things a potential landlord looks at is the condition of the property at the time of showing. A lot can be inferred by the way people are living in the house. I viewed one place where I could not see the bathroom fixtures and floors because they were strewn with clothing. I could not see the condition of the carpets in the bedrooms because the rooms were dark and there was junk and clothing strewn all over the floors. I could not see the condition of the kitchen counters, sink surround, or anything else in the kitchen because it was jammed with dirty dishes and clutter and stuff strewn around. We entered through a patio door…was there something wrong with the front door? The resident’s dog was busily digging a hole in the back garden while the resident ignored him (he couldn’t’ have been shut in the garage for the short time we were there to view the house?).

So, as a possible new owner for this place, what was my impression? I had no way of determining the condition of the property because the place was a pig sty and I couldn’t see the windows or the lights or the walls or the carpets or the floors or the kitchen or bath fixtures. Were the tiles in the bathrooms intact? Was the shower grout in need of replacing? Did the kitchen drains work well? Did the cupboard doors close properly? Was there water damage under the sink? I couldn’t get to these areas, they were blocked by the clutter and mess of the resident. But, when you consider that these people obviously have no interest in cleaning up after themselves, what is the likelihood that they made any efforts to keep the place in good repair? I did notice a big chunk out of a masonry wall and when I pointed it out to Judy she just shrugged and said “Oh, it’s just cosmetic.” Excuse me? A pyramid-shaped chunk of cement nearly two inches across gouged out of the corner of a stud wall is just cosmetic? And who is supposed to pay for that fix and the painting of the room that will inevitably follow?

Judy hasn’t called me back to see any more properties. I think she thinks I’m too picky. But not being picky when you buy a property, unless you can get it at a low enough price to make up for the deficiencies, is just stupid.

Which I, of course, am not.

Tenant from Hell, Redux

On 6 June I wrote that our attorneys had informed us that they had “received a call from Lynda’s attorney earlier today requesting the full outstanding balance and our banking details to attend to payment by no later than close of business on Monday, 9 June 2008.” Lynda, you will remember, was our tenant who owes us a boatload of money in past due rent, late penalties, and damages to the flat she rented for two years.

One of the key elements in our battle with Lynda is that she is a hopeless liar. By the time I posted the 6 June blog entry she had promised to pay at least part of the debt we claimed no less than a dozen times, at least twice in writing. Finally, just before we were to go to court, Lynda’s attorney faxed our attorney the above commitment to pay the debt in full.

Well, it was no surprise that 9 June came and went and we didn’t see a centavo. Wise to Lynda’s ways, we didn’t hold much hope of payment and so did not suspend our legal journey. Prior to our next court date Lynda’s attorney, with no explanation or apology for Lynda’s failure to pay on 9 June, again communicated with our attorneys, this time claiming that she could not afford to pay a single lump sum and offering a payment scheme. Lynda was offering to pay a sum weekly until the debt was paid.

Knowing that magistrates often frown on a refusal to accept a reasonable offer of settlement, we declined the offer with the explanation that Lynda had failed to make good on offers of payment in the past and, absent any kind of onerous penalty for failure to make her payments, we had no confidence in her promise to pay. We heard nothing back from Lynda’s attorney and so, after waiting a respectable time, our attorneys filed what is called a “Demand for Plea.” This gave Lynda five working days to submit her plea to the court and should she fail to do so, we could then apply for a default judgement after which her assets could be seized and sold to satisfy the debt.

We waited for ten days for her to submit her plea…basically her refutation of our claims…to the court. After all, this was her very last chance to have a judge look at the claim and maybe—just maybe—let her off the hook. If I was in Lynda’s place, you can bet I would submit a detailed and eloquent rebuttal to the claims, hoping to minimize the amount I would be ordered to pay. To fail to respond at all is to just give the judgement to the opposition.

But that is exactly what Lynda did. We gave her ten days instead of the obligatory five, and still she did not respond. And so, on 14 July our attorneys filed for a Judgement in Default of Plea. Yesterday we received, via our attorneys, a fax from Lynda’s lawyer containing yet another offer of settlement: “…2 monthly instalments of R10 000 as from 01 August 2008 and 01 September 2008 provided that the amount be capped at R20 000 and no further interest, costs, etc. are levied.”

I nearly laughed out loud! What on earth makes that woman think we have any interest in accepting any kind of deal from her? It’s over! Only the formalities are left to attend to. She defaulted, we won, so now it is just a question of getting the paperwork signed and her BMW hauled away by the Sheriff for auction. Yes…she drives a late model Beemer and she is a 35% owner of a lucrative employment agency…it’s not like we are trying to take bread out of the mouths of starving babes, here!

And so we countered with an offer of our own: We are in receipt of Lynda’s…offer to settle. In view of the fact that Lynda’s history is one of making agreements to pay and then failing to do so, we are unable to accept this offer. We will counter with an offer of our own: full payment of all amounts owed in a single lump sum. Interest, costs, penalties, etc. to stop at the moment her payment clears the bank.

The more I thought about the offer, the more incensed I became. This has been a power struggle with Lynda almost from the day she moved into the flat. She actually expected us to cut down a tree, demolish a significant part of the garden and build a garage for her where the front patio stands! When we demurred, reminding her that she leased the flat knowing it had no garage (but secure parking nonetheless), she darkly hinted that she would remember this when it came time to renew her lease. The fact that it would cost a full year’s worth of her rent to build the bloody thing was apparently unimportant…she wanted a garage and we were somehow remiss in not providing it for her.

She ignored the conditions of her lease that were not to her liking, from confining her dogs to smoking to paying her rent on time to watering the garden. When we pressed her to abide by the terms of her lease she responded with indignation and hostility, as if we were overstepping our bounds! Even on the day she finally left, she determined to do so on her terms, refusing to set an appointment for a final inspection of the flat and even refusing to give the keys to us…she gave them instead to the new tenants!

After she moved out and we sent her the results of our final inspection, she had the audacity to substitute her own thumb-sucked figures for the quotes we had carefully and painstakingly gathered. She stole a down lighter from the dining room ceiling and damaged two electrical outlets in the kitchen, which a certified electrician repaired for us at a cost of R1100: Lynda’s offer of reimbursement was R80…less than the cost of a replacement down lighter kit! She damaged a carpet that was in new condition when she moved in…when she moved out there was a circular water stain at least 20”(50 cm) in diameter and the carpet fibre had rotted. Because there is no spare carpet to make a patch and the damage is highly visible, we must replace the entire carpet at a cost of nearly R2000: Lynda’s offer of compensation for this damage was R80 to have the carpet shampooed!

If we had any concern that her blatant flouting of our legitimate authority was based in some kind of personal animosity, it was laid to rest when she treated the court system in the same manner. Lynda has apparently decided that the courts hold no legitimate authority over her either, and so she simply ignores the rules of litigation. She made commitments to pay us both directly to our attorneys and in writing through her own attorney which she failed to keep and she failed to submit documents to the court by the deadlines. She seems to think she doesn’t have to abide by the rules, that she will make up the rules as she goes along and do things her way.

So, after ruminating about this for a while, I sent an email to Hubby: It occurs to me that Lynda is still trying to run things. She is trying to set the terms of settlement…“2 monthly instalments of R10 000 as from 01 August 2008 and 01 September 2008 provided that the amount be capped at R20 000 and no further interest, costs, etc. are levied.”

“I’ll give you this money but on the following conditions…” is basically what she is saying. What makes her think WE have to bend to her conditions? The court is going to take her car away from her and attach her wages if she doesn’t pay the debt, and every month that this drags on is more court costs and legal fees, both hers and ours. There’s no question now that the judgment will be in our favour and for the full amount we claim because she defaulted.

Does she think we are stupid? Or maybe greedy? If we agree to cap it at R20K and we run up another R10K in legal expenses because she again fails to pay (which I suspect is her plan), we would have to go to court to invalidate the agreement because of her failure to perform, and then we have to start the whole process all over again. Why would she think we would want to stop now when we are now just about at the end of it, and we are winning?

I am sure she is trying to minimize the monthly increase in this debt, but what makes her think we would even consider such an offer? Why would she think, after a dozen or more defaulted promises to pay, we would accept a deal with her, especially one that provides no onerous penalty for her default? She could have been off the hook for half this amount if she had just paid up in the first place. The longer she drags it out, the more it costs her…she is racking up R600/mo in late penalties, plus our lawyer bills and hers as well.

We are still waiting to see if she accepts our counter offer…whether she admits it or not, she doesn’t have much choice in the matter because whether she forks over the cash or the Sheriff seizes her assets and sells them at auction to satisfy the debt, she going to have to pay. The only control she has left is whether or not to allow the debt to continue to grow due to her delaying tactics. Her debt to us, including our attorney’s fees, is now at least R20,000. Additionally, she has her own attorney’s fees to pay.

Does being a control freak feel so good that it is worth this kind of money?

FAQs re: Sweet Violet

I often get questions, most of them in person, but occasionally on a blog or forum or even in email. The same questions seem to get asked repeatedly, so I thought I’d publish some of them here. If you have questions that aren’t answered here, feel free to leave a comment and ask. No guarantees that I’ll answer it, but if you don’t ask, you have a 100% probability of never knowing the answer!

“Goeiemôre, tannie!” or, “What do you mean, you don’t speak Afrikaans?”
I am short, round, blonde, and well past the first blush of youth. When I enter an establishment like a dress shop or restaurant, I will inevitably be greeted with “Goeiemôre, tannie!” often followed by some other incomprehensible remark or query.

At first I was a bit disconcerted. Afrikaans is a guttural language like German and can sound harsh to the unaccustomed ear. Could they tell I was an accursed American and they were cursing at me? Were they making a crack about the red dot on my forehead? English is widely spoken here, why aren’t they speaking it to me?

Well, it seems that my short, square stature coupled with my age and colouring fools most people into thinking I am an Afrikaner and they are actually greeting me in the politest of Afrikaans terms! “Tannie” (pronounced “tunny”) means “auntie,” and it is a term of respect for women of generations above your own. And “Goeiemôre” (hooya mora) simply means “good morning.”

Interestingly, among the local black people (Xhosa…pronounced “koh-szah”), that term of polite respect for a woman of an older generation is “Mama” or “mamee,” spoken with the slightest bob of the head. I have been called that frequently as well.

So, despite my quintessential Northern European looks, I don’t speak Afrikaans because I am an American. But I do now understand quite a bit, including why the local Afrikaners open conversations with me in Afrikaans!

Where are you from?
TV has been in South Africa since the mid-70s. There are four broadcast channels (three of them government owned and operated) and there is DSTV…satellite TV…that brings us such wonders as BBC Prime, National Geographic, History, and Discovery channels, among others. Much of our programming…at least half of it…comes from the US. I regularly watch CSI, Las Vegas, Oprah, Dr. Phil, even Days of Our Lives. Lost, Desperate Housewives, Grey’s Anatomy and Private Practice, Boston Legal Smallville…all are available on the small screen here, not to mention a healthy helping of American movies, both new and old (Turner’s Classic Movie Channel also plays here).

You’d think with all that American programming flooding the screens, large and small, people would peg me as an American the moment I open my mouth. I don’t have a regional accent that might throw people off…I’m from California so I sound pretty much like most of the actors on TV and in the movies. It tends to surprise me, then, when people say things like “Where are you from? Australia?” or “I can hear you are from the UK.” I forgive the ones who mistake me for Canadian as the Canadian accent is different from the American in such subtle ways that many Americans can’t tell the difference. But Australia??

So, to answer the question: I am most recently from the San Francisco Bay area (Northern California). I was born in Oregon (which is the state immediately north of California and known for its deep piney woods) and spent my school years in San Diego (Southern California). I have also lived in the Boston area and in Tucson, Arizona. My travels have taken me to at least 30 of the 50 states, perhaps more. I just tell people I’m from San Francisco because few people here seem to have heard of Silicon Valley, my home from 1974 until I moved here in late 2003.

When are you going back?
This question seems to have two meanings: 1) when are you going back for a holiday in your homeland? And 2) when are you moving back to America because what kind of moron would want to live permanently in this godforsaken country?

I am amazed at how many South Africans seem to hate their country! In America it is a really big deal when you take a job overseas and almost unheard of for an American to emigrate to another country. Despite a moron like George Bush driving the economy inexorably towards a second Great Depression, record numbers of home foreclosures, a swiftly shrinking middle class, and a rapidly widening gap between the haves and the have-nots, Americans seem to focus on finding ways to fix (or at least live with) the vagaries of the political and economic scenes.

Not so South Africans. Throwing down their toys like petulant children who can’t have their way in the sand box, white South Africans emigrate in droves…mostly to Australia or the UK…and nobody thinks it is the least bit odd. Maybe it is just my jingoistic American upbringing, but I find South Africans shockingly lacking in patriotism. When confronted with this sentiment, invariably they remark they weren’t that way before the new (read that “black majority”) government came into power. I find that rather scary, since the old (read that “white apartheid”) government was one of the most corrupt on the face of the earth.

These people, then, are surprised when I tell them I do not plan to go back to America except for the occasional family visit (and no, I haven’t done that yet). They cannot imagine leaving a place like what they fantasize America to be...they are shocked when I tell them that middle class Americans don’t routinely have maids and nannies and gardeners (middle class South Africans do), that the average American lives from payday to payday (South Africans tend to have savings) and that in America, unless you have union representation, you can lose your job tomorrow for no more reason that the boss wants you gone (it is difficult to get fired in South Africa…lots of job protection legislation). And then they don’t believe me!

Why am I not planning to move back to America? Because my husband is South African and his job is one that is helping to build the new South Africa and its infrastructure. American business will survive without the presence of one retired secretary.

Why did you move here?
The short answer is, my husband is South African. Yes, I know he was entitled to a green card upon marrying an American citizen, and because he’s a degreed engineer, he probably would not have had much trouble getting a job in Silicon Valley. But we are both people who tend to think things through and weigh our options before making a decision, so we “did the math.” The result was quite shocking.

We found that we could have a better quality of life in South Africa than in California…and his job prospects weren’t that keen outside of Silicon Valley. We discovered that we could live a more affluent lifestyle on his income alone than we could in California with both of us working. In California I owned a house in a working class neighbourhood and drove a 14-year-old mini-truck. I worked 40 hours per week, commuted 2+ hours per day, did all my own housework, laundry, and gardening.

In South Africa, we live on my husband’s income alone. We live in what the real estate agents call a “very sought-after area,” on a beautifully landscaped 1/3 acre lot with a large, gracious house on it. I have a maid twice a week (who also does laundry and irons), a gardener once a week (who spends the whole day working on the garden), and I drive a Mercedes ML…the SUV. The proceeds from the sale of my house in California was invested in rental property, among other things.

So, I moved here to have an improved quality of life and to support my husband’s desire to work at his career where he felt it would make a difference to his countrymen.

And to have a maid.

How do you like it here?
I love it here. Cape Town is remarkably like the Bay Area in climate and topography. I grow many familiar plants in my garden here, from pepper trees to blue plumbago to hibiscus to bougainvillea. The area is similar to the Bay Area in other ways…politically liberal, upwardly mobile, and affluent. Cape Town is a beach and port city, and I live close enough to the beach to get the sea smell in the morning…but far enough away not to have to endure the immediate brunt of the winter storms.

Most everyone I encounter speaks English and most of the goods and services I need are available at costs we, in America, would consider ridiculously cheap. It isn’t paradise…we have our problems here, but on balance, there is nothing I have experienced in Cape Town that would send me scurrying back to the States.

Did your family come with you?
No, my children are grown and have families, careers, and lives of their own. Perhaps when things stabilize with the US economy and the cost of international travel doesn’t bite so deeply into the pocket, they’ll make a trip across the pond to visit. But their lives are in America and I expect they will opt to remain there.

Americans tend not to emigrate, remember?

Why do you wear that dot?
Ah, the dot. From the stares and double-takes I get, one would think seeing a plump little blonde woman wearing a red dot on her forehead was unusual or something!

Seriously, though, I do get stares and double-takes from people when they see my dot. Some looks are positively hostile, some just rude (extended stares), but most just convey curiosity about something unusual. So why do I wear the dot.

The short answer? My husband is Hindu and the red dot signifies, in the Hindu culture that I am married (Snopes.com notwithstanding). He wears a wedding ring out of respect for my culture, and I wear the red dot in public out of respect to his. Yes, I also have a wedding ring, a beautiful wide gold band channel set with eight brilliant cut diamonds alternating with nine baguettes.

My mother-in-law favours a rather pinkish red dot with a slightly nappy surface, preferably quite small. I prefer a larger dark red dot with a circle of black around it, but there are as many styles (and colours) of dots (also known as “bindi” or “kum kum”) as there are grains of sand on a beach. Unmarried women may wear dots as a fashion accessory, but the red ones are considered to be reserved for married women.

A common question is how the dot is affixed to the forehead. Modern dots are commercially produced and are sold in packets. “Fancy dots,” dots with crystals and pearls and other decoration, generally come in small packets, perhaps no more than six dots to a packet. Plain dots can be found in packets containing 50 or more. They all have one thing in common: they are stuck onto a card with a tacky adhesive. You peel the dot off the card and stick it to your forehead. Particularly costly (or favourite) dots may be used over and over again with the application of a dab of surgical or eyelash glue. My favourite dots come in packets of 45 and cost about $1.25 a packet; my mother-in-law’s dots cost half that.

So, there you have it...the questions I most often field here in South Africa. Is there something you might want to know? Leave a comment with your question and I'll get back to you!

Great Expectations

Years ago I was a recruiter…a “headhunter,” if you will…and one of the things that struck me repeatedly were the unrealistic expectations of entirely too many of the employers with whom I dealt.

“I don’t want some old fart,” they would tell me. “I have a young team here…mostly under 30…and I need someone who will fit in.” And then they would proceed to give me a litany of qualifications that would take the better part of a lifetime to acquire, followed by a salary range that would cause a fresh grad to laugh. Part of my job, of course, was to counsel these guys…to give them some reality therapy. One of my stock-in-trade lines was “You’re going to either come up on the money or flex on the qualifications because guys who can do all this won’t work for that kind of money.”

Occasionally, however, I would run across some starry-eyed navel-gazer who would insist that if I just tried hard enough, I could meet his needs. To these people I found myself saying “Let me get this clear…your basic requirements are a guy under 30 with 20 years experience who is willing to work for entry-level wages. Honey, I’m a recruiter, not a magician!”

Those headhunter days are long behind me, but I still find myself regularly coming up against people whose expectations are all out of proportion to reality. I own a bit of rental property and my premium flat is about to come vacant again, and I am just flabbergasted at what some of these potential renters are expecting for the money they are willing to pay!

First, you must understand that houses and flats (apartments) in Cape Town, especially newer ones, tend to be rather on the small side. This, of course, is not uncommon anywhere in the world where the area is considered desirable: builders tend to want to maximize their profit by squeezing as many units onto a piece of dirt as they can, no matter that the rooms in the units are so small that it’s a challenge to get furniture into them.

Three years ago my husband and I spent three months looking for a new home, something that had a master bedroom big enough for our king-sized bed and the other pieces of our bedroom suite. We ended up buying in an older suburb where the rooms (and plots) were more spacious than the upmarket area in which we had been living. Shortly after moving into our new house, we went out looking for an investment property. We looked at houses, flats, and a variety of different units before settling on the property we now own.

We learned quite a bit over the last three years. One of the things I learned from a rental agent is that the average size of a two-bedroom flat here is about 74 msq…800 sq ft. Such a flat would typically have four rooms…living room, kitchen, bedrooms…plus a single, shared bath. I’ve seen even smaller but for the most part I would agree that 800 sq ft is a pretty typical size for a two bedroom flat around here.

In California I owned a tract house built in the early ’60s and it was about 1325 sq ft, which included three bedrooms, two baths, eat-in kitchen, living room, and a family room. Yes, the bedrooms were small and the eating area in the kitchen was cramped, but it was a single family detached house. Our flat, the one coming up for rent in a month, is 120 metres square, which is roughly 1300 square feet…nearly the size of my California house! And into that space it has a living room, dining room, huge kitchen, only two bedrooms, and two baths…unheard of in a flat! Additionally, the flat has two patios, a fenced-in private yard, and access to the pool and entertainment area. And to top it all off, the flat is located in a quiet residential area with well-maintained owner-occupied homes surrounding it, and all of the utilities are paid…no electric bill, no water bill, no bill for the trash collection.

The rent is R4750 (or $672) per month and considering that the tenant will not have to pay utilities…easily R350 per month, the price is quite reasonable. It’s clean, spacious, well located, and reasonably priced…so why are we having trouble finding a tenant?

Well, the first tendency is to look at the property and say “What’s wrong with it?” but after a couple of weeks of advertising, a couple of patterns began to emerge. The first one was one of callers not being serious.

We try to be conscientious, thoughtful landlords. As a result, we like to give the present resident at least 24 hours notice before dragging a bunch of strangers through her home. Unfortunately, the people who make these appointments seem to have no compunction about not showing up…and not bothering to even call to cancel.

This can get to be very annoying…I have to drive over to the place and wait for them to show up and so I sit in my car, in the hot African sun, awaiting the arrival of rude bits of humanity who cannot be bothered to call and cancel their appointments. Monday I had arranged to show the flat to four people…I have learned to arrange a single showing per day to cut down on the number of times I have to drive over and sit around waiting for no-shows…and out of the four, only one turned up. And she was a rental agent who had her client in tow.

It happened again last night…in fact, I would say that easily more than half of the appointments or just shrugged off by the potential renter…people who made the appointment but were not serious about keeping it. In fact, one woman has failed to show up for her appointment three times, each time sending me a hand-wringing email with one excuse or another and begging me for an “urgent” viewing. I go to the trouble to make arrangements with the tenant and then she no-shows again…makes me wonder what kind of excuses I would be dealing with when her rent is past due over and over again.

The second pattern I’ve begun to see is crystal ball gazing. This is South Africa and most houses have a six-foot high masonry wall surrounding the front of the property. This is the norm here and South Africans are accustomed to it. So, a rental agent made the mistake of giving out the address of the property to a potential tenant who, instead of waiting for his appointment to see the place, drove by it, looked at the wall, and then called her up to say the place wasn’t what he wanted. Without even seeing it? This same agent gave the address to another client who did the same thing, then called and said she was not interested in an “ugly little green house.” What? It’s painted white, not green, and besides, you cannot see it because of the privacy wall around it!

Yet another woman rejected the place…sight unseen, mind you…because her boyfriend didn’t want to live in that area. Ok, that’s fair enough…except that when she gave me a list of the places he did want to live, guess what was on his list? Yup…the very area he had just rejected!

The third pattern I have found…and the one that irks me the most…in the one I call “Great Expectations.” Like the woman who called and asked where the flat was located and when I told her, she very archly informed me that she was only interested in places near the beach…the flat is about a kilometre away from the beach, so I immediately checked various rental websites, fearing that I might be asking an out-of-line price for the place. Fifteen minutes searching for two-bedroom, two-bath flats near my local beach turned up several places on offer, not one less than R12 000 (about $1700), and none with the utilities included in the rent. None of them were garden flats, either, which generally rent for more money as well. I had to wonder what she had been smoking before picking up that phone, because my search revealed to me that tiny (less than half the size of the flat I was offering) flats near the beach were being offered for around R6 000 to R8 000 per month, again without utilities being included in the rent.

Then there was the young lady who made an appointment and who showed up with her boyfriend and another couple. She called me back a few days later and declined the flat because it was “too small.” It seems the two couples wanted to take it together and the couldn’t make 1300 square feet work for them…geeze, what do they want? A mansion? My neighbours in California raised entire families…households full of kids…in houses barely larger than this flat! And they can’t do two couples in it?

Then there was the woman who wanted to negotiate the rent if she also rented the little cottage on the grounds when it came vacant in April. What kind of break would I give her? The same break the bank will give me on my monthly mortgage payment, I was tempted to tell her. What cheek! Here I’m offering her a flat that is more than 50% larger than the average two bedroom flat (and not at a 50% increase in monthly rental), and throwing in free utilities, and she wants a better deal? What is wrong with this picture?

The tenant who is moving out was no better. Just weeks after she moved in…and knowing that the flat had secure parking for two cars but no garages…she called my husband and quite seriously tried to talk him into demolishing half her garden and one of her patios and building a garage for her! And she was serious! She had a small dog (we allow small pets) and left the front door open so the animal could come in and out, keeping her security door latched. No problem…except that the constantly open door was an invitation for the entry of a mouse into her flat. It took up residence in her kitchen and she demanded that we get rid of it for her.

Then there was the matter of her lights…she insisted that the downlighters in her living room were faulty, so we sent our electrician (at a cost of R300…more than $40) to chase down and resolve the problem. Turns out she needed to change the light bulbs and she was just astonished when Hubby informed her that it was her job to change her light bulbs, not ours!

And her dogs (by the end of her rental period, there were two)…the lease specifically states that dogs must be kept in the tenant’s private garden, but any time I was there, they were running loose in the common area and she was not very conscientious about picking up after them. When counselled on the problem, we were treated to a litany of reasons why she “couldn’t” comply, clearly implying that we should take responsibility and improve the fencing that separated her garden from the common area so her dogs would stop digging out!

On top of all of this, she was regularly a week…and sometimes up to two weeks…late with her rent, a situation that caused us to have to pay the mortgage on the rental property out of our own pockets and replenishing the funds when she got around to paying her rent. This caused us some uncomfortable cash flow problems at times, since we had our own obligations to meet and sometimes found it difficult to do so until she got around to paying her rent.

I suppose it is not surprising then that after two years of this kind of thing, it didn’t break our hearts when she informed us that she wasn’t going to renew her lease. In fact, we had already decided to decline to renew it at the end of her term…but she saved us the awkwardness of telling her.

And now I’m having to deal with people who can’t seem to read plain English (they send me email asking where the flat is located and how much the rent is, both of which are clearly stated in the ads), people who seem to think they can see through concrete walls, people who can’t be bothered to keep an appointment and haven’t the common courtesy to call and cancel it, and people who seem insulted that my R4750 flat…with free utilities, nogal…isn’t a seaside mansion. It’s getting to the point that I am seriously re-thinking the rental business…not that owning rental property is such a bad thing, but it would certainly be a lot better if I didn’t have to deal with all these people!