Did you hear what she said?? Run, dude, RUN!!

Here in South Africa we have satellite TV that brings us a lot of American and British programming. One of the channels we watch regularly is TSN…The Style Network…plays some of the longest and annoying commercial breaks I have ever had to sit through. And they play them often. And they don’t air new ads, they just play the same ones over and over and over again.

Apparently the TSN programming folks like weddings as their offerings include “I propose,” “Married Away,” “Vegas Weddings,” and “Whose Wedding is it Anyway?” I’m not big on weddings so I don’t watch these shows, but I’ve practically memorized a few of the ads due to sheer density of exposure and some of them are just…well…appalling!

The “Whose Wedding” ads are the most cringeworthy. Sarcastic, nasty wedding planners, control freak grooms and diva brides…even missing mothers (for whom they search at the reception bar), populate these ads. Not being a fan of watching adults throwing tantrums…or exhibiting smug, gleeful schadenfreude…I don’t find the ads motivating me to watch the programs but having quite the opposite effect.

One, however, stands out from the crowd as being the jewel in the crown of odiousness: a toothy blonde with her thin tresses cut in an unflattering, needing-a-trim long bob smiles into the camera and waves a hand in a prematurely world-weary manner. “I can be high maintenance,” she twangs in a nasal whine. “I’m bossy…” Her fiancé sits beside her, besotted and oblivious to what the woman is saying, a stupid grin on his face as he slowly nods, his ears clearly disengaged from his brain.

Don’t you hear what she is saying? Run, dude, RUN!! People are on their best behaviour during the courtship phase of a relationship…do you have any concept of what marriage is going to be like to self-confessed “high maintenance” woman who actually admits to being bossy? How good are you at taking orders…and criticism? How emotionally masochistic are you…high maintenance people are just that…they require endless resources directed at them. And nothing you can do will be right because that is what high maintenance is all about.

What happens when the new wears off? What happens when the carnal pleasures cease to overshadow everything else? In the immortal words of my old friend and lover, Tiny, is the f*cking you’re getting worth the f*cking you’re gonna get?

Run, dude, run…and don’t ever look back!